How to Tell if a Married Man Is Smitten
By: Corrina Horne
Updated August 03, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Laura Angers
Being pursued romantically is generally a wonderful feeling that produces a welcome rush of excitement and emotion. Being pursued ranges dramatically in its scope and progression. Some people are pursued with dogged determination and are wooed with gifts and lavish attention, while others are pursued by a quiet, slow-paced individual who values autonomy and careful consideration. Although there is not necessarily one form of healthy pursuit that trumps the other, there are some situations that warrant discomfort and a quick shutting-down of romantic pursuit and interest - among them, being pursued by a married man.
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Romantic Pursuit: Definition
A romantic pursuit differs from simple friendliness or general conversation largely in its subtext. While two different people can utter the phrase, "It was nice to see you today", the subtext visible via body language and tone can change the meaning of the phrase from its face value ("I enjoyed seeing you") to a more charged definition ("I want to see more of you"). Either way, you can learn a great deal from not only what is said, but from the way that it is said.
Someone who is romantically pursuing you is likely to single you out above others - i.e. pay you more attention than your peers, create more ways to be physically or emotionally close to you, and devote more time and energy to making you smile. Someone who sees you as a casual friend will invest time in you, but will not try to promote situations wherein the two of you are alone together. Someone who is trying to cultivate a romantic relationship, conversely, will likely try to find ways to get the two of you alone. These are some of the most obvious ways that you can understand the difference between someone who is romantically pursuing you and someone who is interested in just being friends.
The Problem with Infidelity
Although some would argue that infidelity is not inherently a moral issue, there is some evidence to suggest that cheating is cruel , without the presence of social or religious mores. The most significant issue with infidelity lies in the way that infidelity makes other people feel; cheating is problematic because it violates the trust you share with another person - or multiple people - and a violation of trust has the potential to wreak havoc on a person's mental health and emotional state. Cheating is far more than just a step outside of social norms: it is a violation of a contract that you created with your spouse, which disrupts the emotional and physical intimacy and bond that you have created. This type of disruption can leave severe emotional wounds, which can take years and intensive therapy to heal.
Infidelity does not only violate the relationship you have with your spouse, however. It also violates the trust you have with everyone in your life. When you commit to spending your life with someone, and vow to be faithful, a violation of that promise can negatively impact your familial relationships, friendships, and even workplace relationships. Infidelity rarely casts the person stepping outside of their marriage in a positive light, no matter how many pleas of "She's crazy!" or "I'm not being fulfilled!" are uttered, because it is typically seen as a coward's way out of a marriage, or a selfish means of attaining pleasure and validation. Even if this is not the case, it may be difficult for the people in the lives of cheaters to view them in the same way after an affair has been engaged in.
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Signs A Married Man Likes You More Than A Friend
While the notion that men and women cannot be friends is outdated and unhealthy, the thought persists, which may lead some men or women to question their friendship with someone of the opposite sex who is married. There are significant differences, though, between friendships and the start of romantic relationships, primarily in the way that people interact. In this day and age, online affairs are increasingly common, too. Online affairs may never lead to an actual sexual affair, but it can be harmful to his marriage and your life nonetheless.
If a married man is interested in you, there will be noticeable signs - signs that can alert you to a need for boundaries, the termination of your friendship, or (in some cases) the need to reach out for help. These signs include:
1) He Tries to Get You Alone
If the two of you only ever interact in public, or in groups, there is very little room for infidelity. Ultimately, cheating will likely not occur without the two of you finding a way to be alone together. If a married friend or coworker seems to always be right behind you when you are walking alone, or pops up unexpectedly when you've gone off on your own, it may raise a red flag.
2) His Ring Disappears
Removing a wedding ring can have many meanings. He may have gained weight recently, and his wedding ring doesn't fit. He may have lost his wedding ring, and simply has not replaced it yet. He may not have a wedding ring, because he and his partner cannot yet afford to purchase rings. These are all valid reasons a married man might appear out and about without a ring. If you find, however, that his ring specifically seems to disappear when he is around you, or that his ring only began to be noticeably absent after the two of you began talking, it may be due to romantic interest.
3) He Speaks Negatively About His Marriage
Guilt can be a powerful motivator, and many men experience intense guilt while stepping outside of their marriages. If you find that he constantly seems to talk about how his marriage is falling apart , or his wife is unkind, or can only seem to criticize and nag him, he may be trying to convince you - and himself - that an extramarital affair (whether physical or emotional) is justified by the lack of passion, love, or commitment in his marriage. Although some married men who are seeking an affair will speak positively about their marriage in the beginning, it is far more common for his marriage to be portrayed as a prison, or a setting that is deeply (and unjustifiably) unhealthy for him.
4) He Tries to Work on Projects with You
This is one of the more common signs a married male coworker likes you, but may also be seen in other settings. If a married man likes you and wants to be around you, but is either unready or unwilling to indulge his feelings, he might try to be around you as much as possible, without it being a particularly romantic or sexy setting. Partnering in a research project about warts, for instance, is unlikely to get either of your blood boiling, but it does give him access to your time, your company, and your thoughts, without technically drifting into infidelity.
What To Do
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Cheating is never a healthy, courageous act. In the grand scheme of decision making, it's not a great decision to make, since it is bound to negatively impact you, as well as the person with whom you're cheating on. There's also a lot of guilt shame and blame that crops up when you're cheating. The married man you're cheating with may try blaming your spouse in order to justify the affair, but in the end, the decision is yours.
Whether you are the married partner, or you are the person to whom a married person is attracted, cheating is a reprehensible act, and should be avoided whenever and wherever possible. Although it may seem that cheating only hurts a person or two, it can actually break down an entire social group, including the friends, family, and loved ones of everyone involved. Even if you're not thinking "I want to protect and save my marriage," or if you justify the affair by claiming that you plan to leave the marriage anyway, there are still a lot more people who are impacted by your decision to cheat.
If you believe that a married man is expressing or indicating romantic interest in you, and you are experiencing the same, the first step would be to discuss what you feel is happening - in a controlled, safe, and unromantic environment. If he denies his interest, all the better: the two of you can move forward with reinforced boundaries. If he acknowledges interest though, it is time to determine a game plan. Is he going to leave his partner? Is he going to stay? Is there a way for the two of you to terminate your relationship? Showing kindness and deference to his spouse is the best course of action, even if the attraction is mutual.
In some situations, you might need to bring a third party in. This could be the case if the man in question is your boss, or someone who is in power or authority over you. This could also be the case if you express your discomfort, and he refuses to mitigate his advances. If at any point you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, do not hesitate to reach out for help.
Is It All In My Head?
Unfortunately, if you feel as though a married man is expressing interest in you, he very likely is; misreading romantic cues is not terribly common, and people are usually able to sense romantic or sexual interest. If you have found that a married man tries to be alone with you, tries to find ways to be close to you, confides his marriage woes in you, or seems to try to erase evidence of his marriage when in your presence, he is almost undoubtedly interested in you. While it may be tempting to pursue a relationship with a married man, these types of relationships are not healthy, as they involve secrecy, denied communication, and the emotional degradation of someone else. If you find yourself in this situation, you can go straight to the source and work out the best way to proceed.
If you've found that you are being pursued by a married man and you feel uncomfortable, unsafe, or at fault, you may wish to speak with a mental health professional. Therapists are trained in conflict resolution, communication, and emotional intelligence, and can help you navigate the situation you are in with grace and aplomb, while also offering a fresh, unique perspective on how to proceed. Therapists can also assist you if the situation escalates or gets out of hand, should you need a place for support and encouragement.
There are distinct signs a married man is interested in someone, many of them plain to not only the person being pursued, but also the people around them. If you are not sure that you are being pursued, you can reach out to others who have interacted with the two of you, to gauge how perceptive your suspicion actually is.
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Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) How do you tell if a guy is trying to get your attention? There are some clear signs that a man might be trying to get your attention. These include: They might also give more subtle signs, like pointing their feet towards you when you're having a conversation. You may find that they are suddenly taking more of an interest in what you get up to in your spare time, because they are trying to find ways to spend more time with you. Hobbies could be their way in: "Oh, you like running? I'd love to join you one day!" They might suddenly pay attention to conversations you have with other people, so that he can find out more about you. A man can become nervous around a woman he likes, too. If you're unsure whether or not a guy is trying to get your attention, watch out for these signs. You could also ask other people who see both of you together - maybe coworkers, friends, or family have noticed some of these signs. How do you tell if a guy is feeling you? When a man likes a woman, he's likely to smile a lot when he's talking to her. He will probably ask her lots of questions, to find out as much as he can about her. He won't get bored of talking to her, and he might act differently around her, trying to be cooler or funnier. More obvious signs include him asking for your number, or following you on social media. His body language can tell you a lot, too - for example, his pupils might widen when he's talking to you. When we know that someone is into us and has feelings for us just like we do for them, it can be very exciting. While it's often a good sign when we notice someone is attracted to us, we should be careful to make sure that no one gets hurt if feelings are acted on. If you have feelings for a man who's married, and you find that those feelings are reciprocated, you should consider the consequences if you two started dating. Often, it's true that a married man is unhappy in his marriage and that's why he's pursuing a relationship outside of it. However, the relationship is likely to be secretive and damaging to both of you, let alone his spouse. How do you tell if a guy is hooked on you? If a guy is hooked on you, it will be hard for him to hide it. He will think about you a lot and he's likely to: If the guy who likes you is married, then the signs probably won't be so obvious. He may hide his feelings as much as he can for a long time, to try and avoid hurting anyone. However, if he's hooked on you, then the signs will start to show eventually. Perhaps he's buying you gifts or sending you flowers. Perhaps he's asking you to go for a drink more often than he used to, or finding ways to spend more time with you. How do you tell if a guy is confused about his feelings for you? If a man likes you, but is confused about his feelings for you, then it's likely that you'll get mixed signals from him. Maybe he asked for your number but never sends you texts, never calls you. Maybe he asked you to go for a drink, then cancelled. Maybe you went for a drink, and had a good time, but when you expected a kiss afterwards, he pulled away. Or, he might be really interested in you for a while, and then suddenly seem to show no interest at all. These mixed signals are a clear sign that he's either confused about his feelings for you, or trying to fight them. He might be surprised that he suddenly has feelings for you, and is just trying to work out what it means and if he should act on his feelings. Or he might be fighting the feelings he has for you, for example if he is married or in a relationship already. How do you know if a guy thinks about you a lot? When a man likes you, his behavior changes accordingly. There are many things he will do that signal his interest in you. If he's going out of his way to make you smile or laugh, then he's thinking about you a lot, because he's put effort into finding out what makes you smile, what you find funny, and what interests you. If he's thinking about you a lot, he is probably going to be in contact with you a lot of the time, or at least looking at your social media and maybe leaving comments and likes. He might tell you that something reminded him of you - that's a sign that you're already on his mind a lot of the time. How does a man act when he's falling in love? When a man falls in love, there are some signs you may notice: There are also physical signs a man is falling in love: How do you tell if a guy is afraid of his feelings for you? If a man is scared of the feelings he has for you, you are likely getting mixed signals from him. Perhaps you've noticed that he's staring at you, but when you catch his eye, he looks away. Perhaps he's made plans to meet you, but then changes his mind. Perhaps he's even talked about the future with you, but conversations about it are short and vague. If a man is giving you mixed signals, it's important to find out why. Is he just scared to fall in love because of getting hurt in the past? Is he worried that you don't like him back? Or is he in a relationship with someone else already? How long do affairs last after they are discovered? Maybe your partner found a suspicious phone call on your phone, or maybe his partner found out about the affair related to you. Either way, the affair proof has come out and now everyone knows about it. Prior to the affair, you and he were flirting, even though at least one of you was in a committed relationship. Then, the affair happened and you were both caught up in the affair fog and the romance of it all. It was fun to flirt prior to the affair, and during the affair, you both seemed so happy and close. But all of that changed when you were found out. When an affair is taking place, it's exciting because it's a secret. No one – or at least very few people – knows what you're up to behind your partner's back. However, once it stops being a secret – that is, once others find out that the affair happened – it's not as exhilarating. For this reason, most affairs don't last long after the affair discovery, especially if it was the scorned partner who discovered the affair. In most cases of infidelity, the post affair pain and confusion usually causes one or both of the participants to leave the affair. When they exit affair relationships, people often try to mend or restore the committed relationships that they damaged with the affair in the first place, which requires that they have already ended the affair. For this reason, affairs don't usually last very long after they've been exposed.
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How to Tell if a Married Man Is Smitten
Source: https://www.regain.us/advice/marriage/is-it-all-in-my-head-signs-a-married-man-is-pursuing-you/
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